


I Accidentally Created An Alternate Timeline

by WishingRoses



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Bismuth and Spinel are only mentioned at the moment, Character Death, Diplomacy, F/M, He doesn't deserve this, I hope, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sleep Deprivation, Steven Has Blue Eyes, Steven needs a hug, Time Travel, chapters will get longer as I go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:01:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21829390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WishingRoses/pseuds/WishingRoses
Summary: After a disastrous diplomatic meeting in which a distressed alien wants revenge, Steven finds himself getting thrown years into the past.And has to redo almost everything he's been through all over again.*Cue internal screaming*
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Steven Universe & Everyone
Comments: 67
Kudos: 475





	1. In An Instant

**Author's Note:**

> Why is it that I feel the need to traumatize the cinnamon roll in the very first chapter?
> 
> *Title taken from one of the songs in the show: 'Steven and the Crystal Gems'. I felt it to be quite fitting for this story*

Steven really wished this meeting would end sometime soon. 

He’s been here for hours, but it felt more like days. He was tired, hungry and just so exhausted, but the meeting just kept dragging on. An important topic with important people he very much wished he wasn’t a part of. 

He’s not supposed to be feeling like this, he knows. He’s a Diamond (unfortunately) and therefore required to sit through these, long and drawn out they were. He’s a monarch, one of the four leaders of his ‘planet’ and his voice is needed for councils. When Pink Diamond hadn’t been around for thousands of years, and was finally back (in one way or another), he’d been just about forced to sit through every meeting the Diamonds put together, as a way to show Homeworld had it’s four rulers back. 

(Steven wasn’t a ruler, he wasn’t a Diamond, and Homeworld wasn’t his planet. But he _was_ a ruler, he _was_ a Diamond, and Homeworld _was_ his planet, all at the same time. He just wished it wasn’t so.) 

And so far, he’d been put through a total of _eighty five_ council meetings in the last two years. But not all of them were bad, he supposed. There were quite a few meetings that Steven had been excited for, eager to share his ideas, voice his thoughts, and help improve Homeworld’s way of life. Those were the types of meetings he could sit through. And thankfully most of them had been like that. Easy to deal with; only just a bit stress-full, if things got out of hand. 

But this one in particular was absolutely nothing Steven wanted to deal with right now. 

For one thing, he’d already been worn out when he got here. He had so many things to oversee progress of; Little Homeworld, damage repair after the whole Spinel deal, helping integrate Gems into Earthen society, all that jazz. So he was low on sleep, food and energy, which was so not good on his diplomatic skills. A happy, healthy Steven gave happy, healthy discussions. A tired, cranky Steven usually gave the exact opposite. 

For another, the meeting they were dealing with - which was already reaching well over six hours in passing time - was a highly stressful diplomatic one centered on bettering Homeworld’s image across the universe. That meant all four courts were currently engaged in a discussion with the leader and court of one of many alien planets Homeworld had damaged. 

It wasn’t going that well. 

Steven cringed as yet another angry Tailk-Yen alien shot another blast of energy up to the high ceiling of the Trial room (transformed to look like a conference room), not damaging it, but adding to the vast number of scorch marks already made. He flinched when their hands slammed down on the table platform, making it shake under their power. 

“We want no part of your _alliance_ , if that is what you are calling it. We want _justice_.” The alien growled, his eyes glowing a dangerous blue. Steven looked up at White, Yellow and Blue, seeing the unease and irritation on their faces, and wondered if he should speak up now. 

White beat him to it. “Of course, your Grace. We can give you justice. We have made plans to help fix your planet and moons, if you could just-” 

“Fix it!? How are you supposed to _fix_ our planet!?” The Tailk-Yen prince cried. “It has been broken for centuries! All we have is our ship! And we have done everything we could to fix it ourselves - tried everything! Nothing has worked! Don’t you see!? You have ruined our Home!” 

White’s face speckled a deep dark red, the color she gets when she’s trying to hold in her anger. Steven noticed out of the corner of his eye that her fists were tightly clenched, just like his own have been for the past three hours. He braces himself for the worst. 

“Perhaps we could help you start a new colony?” Blue cuts in, and Steven is grateful for her interruption. If only it was with something they hadn’t been trying to say for five hours now. 

“A new colony? And with what? The other broken planets you’ve left in your path?” The prince sneered, and Blue recoiled. Yellow opened her mouth to speak, her brows furrowed and eyes gleaming dangerously. 

“As we have been trying to tell you, there is a way to heal your planet, and we have found others you could stay on so we can manage that!” She said lowly. “We are offering you our best deal. If you would just let us explain how we can heal-” 

“I’m not going to let parasitic monsters touch my planet!” The prince said, as the court behind him yelled in agreement, their own eyes flashing an assortment of icy colors. 

Yellow’s hands were clenched so tightly on her throne that it was beginning to make cracks. Steven sighed a long, suffering sigh, looking back to the upset people before him. This meeting kept going back and forth, in circles. They were getting absolutely nowhere, and it has been _hours_. 

“If I may,” Steven raised his hand politely, gaining the attention of the guests and his fellow Diamonds. Not perturbed in the slightest, ( _no, he was just extremely done and wants this to just end already_ ) he went on to say, “We don’t use other planets to make life anymore. We haven’t for two years, and we’re going to keep it that way. I know you all are upset that we’ve...practically destroyed half the universe-” The prince scoffs at that. -”but we really are making an effort to make things right.” 

“Now,” he says, straightening up in his throne and trying to look as tall as possible (which was a lost cause as everyone here were giants excluding him) he looks to the prince and watches him gaze coldly down at him. “Our plan to heal your planet starts with me.” 

The prince looks at him quizzically. 

Steven continues, “I have healing powers.” He says proudly. “I’ve been enhancing them, strengthening the level at which I can heal, and at what I can heal.” The prince, and all his court, are now looking at him in surprise. Perhaps they didn’t think such a small thing as him could wield so much power. Well, he didn’t used to think so either. 

“The Diamonds and I will fuse-” The prince’s eyes widen. “-and our combined strength should be all we need to heal your entire planet, including all eighteen of your moons. If...that is what you would like us to do, your Grace.” 

The Tailk-Yen prince was staring at him with a contemplative look on his face. And behind him, his court was a flurry of whispers, as all of them turned to each other in discussion. 

Steven could feel the other three Diamonds giving him proud looks behind him. But before they could say anything, one of the Tailk-Yen court members stood up from their seat. 

“I will not stand for this!” She cried. Red wisps of light were circling her arms in her distress. She looked down to Steven with something wild in her eyes, which Steven was shocked to find was a mixture of rage and grief. 

“Prince Rolak, we can’t allow them to mess with us! These...These _Yu’enif_ have destroyed us! Our planet! Our home! We can’t trust them! They-” 

“They killed my family!” 

Steven’s eyes went wide with horror. And though he knew this was the outcome for many inhabitants on the planets his mother’s original home had ravaged, it still sent a spark of disturbance through him. _His people had killed millions of lives_ -

And what was worse was that many other Tailk-Yen were yelling agreements along with the red-sparking one. And gone was the little curiosity Prince Rolak had, replaced by reignited rage. 

But amazingly, it wasn’t directed towards the Gems. The prince turned his head slightly, and his blue eyes flashed yellow. The distressed alien still glaring heatedly towards Steven had her magic stopped, vanishing when her Prince’s eyes met hers. She rubbed her wrists, but did not falter. Undaunted, she stared Prince Rolak in the eyes. 

“I am sorry, my Prince, for that unnecessary display of my magic. I will take heed to control it.” She said tonelessly, and Steven got the feeling she’s said that more than once. But the alien’s maroon eyes stayed narrowed and icy in defiance. 

Prince Rolak turned around completely, eyeing his entire court, but mostly the maroon-eyed woman. 

“Lady Aanyil, I know you still grieve, but this is not the time nor the place to speak your thoughts. The decision to form an alliance is my own.” Prince Rolak says to her, and Steven sees Lady Aanyil’s eyes narrow dangerously. Prince Rolak doesn’t seem to notice, or perhaps doesn’t care. He turns back to the Diamonds, and his contemplative look seems to have returned. Lady Aanyil and the other aggressive Tailk-Yen reluctantly take a seat again. 

“How effective is your healing ability, Pink Diamond?” Prince Rolak asks him. “Without the...fusion.” 

Steven fidgets in his throne. He doesn’t correct the prince’s wording, knowing he’s pretty much the new Pink Diamond at this point (heck he’s already being called that) but he still feels uncomfortable being called ‘Pink Diamond’. He tries not to let it show, hopes his discomfort isn’t clear on his face. Or his exhaustion.

“With concentration I can repair up to half a field of damage. I can use my powers more than once to quickly heal large areas, and though it may tire me out it won’t take long for considerable results to show.” Steven replies, watching as the prince considers him with something sparking in his eyes. 

“We certainly do have healers among our people,” The prince says. “But none of them seem to be as gifted as you say you are.” Steven blushes at that, and hears Blue giggle softly. 

Then Prince Rolak straightens back up, no longer looking uncertain, and stares up at White with determined eyes. 

“I’ve made up my mind, then. I will have Pink Diamond come to my planet, to prove that his powers can be trusted. And if they are, then I will allow you to continue the process, however you would like. But be warned,” his eyes flashed that dangerous icy blue again. “Should you show any sign of wanting to harm my planet, then I assure you, the consequences will be severe.” 

Steven looked up at Yellow, Blue and White, the latter looking back down at Prince Rolak with confidence in her eyes. “And I assure you, your Grace, that you will have nothing to fear.” 

“Your planet will be healed in no time.” 

_________

The conclusion to the longer-than-six-hour council meeting became a celebration. Both to commemorate the Tailk-Yen race for finding answers to how they will heal their home, and to welcome the new alliance between Gemkind and the Tailk-kind. 

‘Alliance’ was a...fragile word, however, Steven thought, as he watched from his throne in the ballroom as it was split; Gemkind and Tailk-kind not entirely trusting the other yet. 

But this was fine. Sooner or later, his people and theirs will continue to grow closer, and their alliance will blossom. Whether it takes the proof of his powers or the entire planet to heal for it to happen is uncertain, but Steven is sure it will happen eventually. For now though, he’s content to just watch both parties enjoy their time. 

From the other side of the room, Prince Rolak was sitting on the highest chair at the large table, watching the party as well, and with a small smile on his face. Steven was happy to see that. Forming alliances with those who’ve been wronged by them was definitely hard, and even though this was their first attempt at it, he felt that it was going rather well. 

Though, he couldn’t spot Lady Aanyil among the crowd, as well as a few of the other angry Tailk-Yen. This sparked a sliver of worry in him, as he had no idea how they were taking the agreement their prince had made. For all he knew, they could be planning an uprising. 

He shook off those thoughts. This wasn’t the time to be thinking about possible war! He looked back at the party, seeing the laughing faces of the crowd; at Gems dancing together and Tailk-Yens enjoying the feast. Nothing was going to happen. Not if he had anything to say about it! 

“Steven, are you alright?” Blue Diamond called softly. “You have been quiet the entire ball.” 

“Oh, I’m fine.” He says, looking up at her, hoping the exhaustion wasn’t evident on his face. It was true though, he has been a bit somber lately. But he’s just so tired, he doesn’t feel much for partying. Unfortunately, it looks like he didn’t try hard enough, for Blue’s eyes narrowed in worry.

“You look pale. Did you get enough rest last night? You have those dark rings under your eyes.” 

He probably does. But he plasters on a smile anyway and rubs the back of his neck. “Maybe not as much as I needed, but I promise I’m okay. The council meeting just took a lot out of me, I guess.” 

Blue looks down at him sadly. “Oh, I’m terribly sorry, Steven. I shouldn’t have made you sit through that entire meeting. It was awfully long, and you have been rather tired lately, I’ve only just noticed.” 

“It’s alright, Blue. I needed to be there anyway. I _am_ the new Pink Diamond, after all…” He says, adding the last part quietly, looking down. When he looks back up, Blue was giving him a sympathetic frown, and her hand came down to softly pat his head. 

“I know, but I should have seen that you were not feeling well. Perhaps I could have had it moved to a later time…” 

“I’m...pretty sure the Tailk-Yen wouldn’t have appreciated that,” Steven says, eyes back at Prince Rolak, who’s now discussing something in whispers to one of his men. “Really, it needed to happen now, before things went out of hand.” Like they almost did, with Lady Aanyil, he thinks with a shudder. 

Glancing back briefly, he notices that Blue still looks rather guilty, though she doesn’t continue the matter. But he can still feel her gaze on him as he looks back to the happy crowd below. 

He smiles a bit when he sees a small blue gem make her way over to a group of chatting Tailk-Yen. Even though the group looks cautious as the gem goes to them, they aren’t hostile, and the blue gem’s eyes are bright with relief. 

_Maybe things will smooth over, sooner than I thought_. He thinks, watching as the Tailk-Yen plus Gem make small conversation. 

Which is, of course, the exact moment everything went to shit.

In an instant, the happy atmosphere of the ballroom turns dim, noise dampening down, as the wide entrance doors slam open. 

Lady Aanyil stands tall in the doorway, flanked by five other Tailk-Yen. 

They all look threatening. Their eyes are all glowing. 

And they’re looking right at him. 

He hears the Diamonds’ indignant cries behind him, the yelps and shouts of shocked and surprised gems and guests. He sees Aanyil raise her hand, watches as it sparks a bright blood red. The others behind her raise their arms as well, lighting up different colors. But none as bright as Aanyil’s. 

“Down with the ‘alliance!’” Aanyil declares, her eyes sparking that dangerous maroon he saw earlier, as she glared right into his own eyes. Steven’s heart is pounding, all sense of fatigue gone. Danger is here and it’s bringing along with it that rush of adrenaline. But he doesn’t do anything.

No one does anything, until... 

“-What is the meaning of this!?” “-Lady Aanyil _what are you doing_?!” 

Both White Diamond and Prince Rolak yell at the same time, sounding furious out of their minds. But the woman in the doorway is not intimidated in the slightest, moving into the room as she’s flanked by her team. 

They aren’t the tallest Tailk-Yen in the room, and they aren’t even close to the height of the Diamonds. But right now, they seem to tower above everyone as they move further closer to the thrones. 

“I’m sorry, my Prince, but I have no other choice,” Aanyil says as she barely glances towards her prince. “I cannot allow you to go through with this alliance.” She stops right in the center of the room. Her still-sparking hands gesture towards the gems; towards the Diamonds; towards Steven. 

“After everything they’ve done to us, everything they’ve taken, you still decide to trust them after hearing about one thing one of their rulers can do? We don’t even know if they’re telling the truth or not!” 

Her voice rang loud in the silence of the room. Through his rapidly beating heart Steven can hear the creaking of one the Diamonds’ thrones, stressed from them holding it too tightly. 

Or maybe it’s his own.

“We’ve lived thousands of years on our only surviving ship, barely anything supporting us - we’re a dying race! We can’t just hand ourselves over to the very people who caused all this!” 

“That’s quite enough, Lady-” 

Prince Rolak is cut off, the bright energy around Aanyil’s hand shooting off above his head, into the crowd. A group of cowering Gems quickly hurry to get out of the way, as it lands on the spot they were just in. Rolak recovers fast from his near-hit, twisting around and shooting his own burst of energy towards Aanyil. 

She deflects it with the help of those beside her. It dissipates in the air, and Rolak is left wide-eyed, shocked at his failed attack. She stares her prince in the face, expressionless and without any guilt in her eyes. 

“You must understand, my Prince, I’m doing this to protect our kind from further destruction, from _their_ hands.” She turns back to the thrones and raises her hands once more. They spark brighter than before, and her companions soon join in. They take each others’ hands and raise them up high. 

“It’s time we realize, we can never be saved.” 

And with that, Steven immediately understands what they’re trying to do.

“ _No_!” 

Steven isn’t sure who says it - him or the prince, but he’s up off his throne and rushing down to Aanyil before he knows what is happening. 

The six Taik-Yen raise their heads, determination in their eyes. 

He’s rushing forward, throwing gems and tailk-yen behind him. The Diamonds are right on his heels, gathering people up and shoving them into safer areas. Steven looks up and sees Prince Rolak doing the same. 

He also sees the build-up of magic shining above the six tailk-yen’s heads. A ball of energy, getting stronger every second. He wills himself to go faster, pushes himself to make it to Aanyil, before it’s too late. 

The world around him erupts in a flash of bright pink, and suddenly, he’s right in front of his goal. 

He crashes into Aanyil, taking her down, making the ball of energy fly into the air. He feels a painful shock then, and looks down to see Aanyil’s hand tight around his arm, hot with her magic. 

He yelps, wretches himself away from her, and watches stunned as his arm sparks with electricity. He shakes it off, holding it as it throbs in pain. 

Eyes watering, he looks back up to the chaos around him, and freezes. 

Everything in the room is going in slow motion. 

Aanyil is still falling slowly from when he crashed into her, her face stuck in an expression of shock. Her companions are frozen where they stand, and their magic they’ve just fired together floats harmlessly in the air. 

He looks around. Everyone is still. Stuck in time, like they were on TV and someone had pressed pause. But for some reason, he was completely unaffected. 

He doesn’t have time to think about it, though, as the ball of energy above him crackles with power. It shakes the walls with a loud boom, as multicolored beams shoot out of it towards the ground. With a yell, he summons his shield just as it hits, and the force of it hitting him slams him into the floor, knocking the breath out of him. His shield sparks an angry array of colors, and dissipates. 

The blast continues, and he gets the aftermath. His world erupts in a torrent of pain. It doesn’t last long, but it’s enough to leave him shaking on the ground. When he opens his eyes again, breathing through the pain, he sees above him the mass of energy has grown in size. 

The mass glows pink, and just like that, time starts again. 

Through the sudden cacophony of sound bursting in his ears, he hears one of the Diamonds scream his name. Bleary, he lifts his head off the ground - he can barely move - and tries to locate them, but through all the movement around him, he can’t spot them at all.

It’s pointless anyway. One moment he’s laying on the ground lost in a sea of chaos, and the next, something is on top of him, once again squishing him against the floor. 

Then the room explodes. 

Everything goes dark.

….

Then...

….

_Pink_

_All he can see is pink._

_-nk Diamond…._

_It’s surrounding him, engulfing him. He’s lost in an ocean of pink._

  
_“-nk Diamond!”_

  
_It’s an endless swirl. Sharp and bright - much too bright._

  
_“Pink Diamond!”_

_It would be so beautiful, had he not been in so much_ pain _._

  
“Pink Diamond!” 

Steven’s eyes snapped over to the face of Prince Rolak. Whose own eyes are wide with emotion. The prince was staring down at him, and his shiny silver crown was reflecting the light off the giant mass of energy above them. 

Which he had been staring at. Because it’s pink. 

With _his_ power. 

“Ro-Rolak?” Steven starts, voice a barely there whisper. Rolak gazes down at him with sad eyes, and nods once. Steven notices something of an odd color running down his purple-grey chin. A funny off-set orange. It reminds him of Pumpkin, in a way. 

“I’m sorry, Pink Diamond,” Rolak tells him, as more orange liquid flows out of the corner of his mouth. “I’m so sorry for what my subject has...has done.” 

Steven’s brows furrow. Rolak shouldn’t be apologizing! His mouth opens to correct the prince, but he’s cut off. 

“Lady Aanyil...she’s been wronged, yes. But...That does not excuse her for what she has caused. She’s unstable. And it is because of her unstableness...her magic...I should not have taken her along with me.” Rolak looks down at him with such sorrow in his eyes, and Steven, who’s only known the prince for a day, thinks it looks horribly wrong on him. 

Rolak continues his haunting words. “I know now,” he says with a growing tightness in his voice, “I...I came here expecting nothing, that you and your people would prove to be just the same as you were...all those years ago...How wrong I had been...Not thinking you could ever change.” 

“Perhaps it is us who never changed.” 

Steven reached out a shaky hand, barely feeling it. He could hardly move, but any and all panic over that was dampened by the need to comfort the trembling leader leaning over him. His hand grazed the prince’s cheek, and despite looking minuscule compared to the prince’s large form, he leaned into Steven’s touch. 

But then Rolak began to cry, and Steven felt something inside of him twist at the sight. Tears fell from the once stoic prince’s eyes and mixed with the orange still trailing down his face. Steven breathed in a shaky breath, mind screaming at him to _say something but what can he say everything is so clearly wrong-_

Rolak lurched forward and coughed sharply into his arm. The cough sounded wet and painful, and when Rolak straightened back up, Steven saw that his mouth was covered in that sickening orange. 

_That’s blood_. Steven thought with growing dread. 

“Rolak-!” He cried, moving to push himself off the ground, pain forgotten as newly found adrenaline ran through his veins. _I need to heal him!_ Mind whirling, Steven craned his neck to see Rolak clearly. As he did the prince sat there, solemn and without energy. 

When he finally found the source of Rolak’s pain, Steven felt his heart drop in his chest. 

The prince’s entire back was an awful mess of burned flesh, bubbling with his orange blood. His once stunningly elegant robes were tattered and in pieces, barely hanging onto his shaking frame. Steven sat there stunned, staring at Rolak’s mangled back. He’d never seen something quite so terrible-

And he had gotten like this because he had _protected him_. 

He barely heard Rolak giving a weak laugh over the pounding in his ears. 

“Do you want to know why I shielded you, Pink Diamond?” Rolak says quietly, wiping the blood off his mouth. Steven turns to him with wide eyes. 

“It is because I found good in you. I’d seen it in your eyes the moment I saw you. I was just too blind to realize it for what it was at first.” 

Steven closed his eyes. He didn’t want to hear anymore. 

Rolak continued nonetheless. 

“Then I heard your plan. Your certainty, and your promise. And I knew, finally, my people could have their life back. So when...when Aanyil happened, and she used her magic, and created that thing…I realized...I couldn’t let you die.” 

Steven was crying now, rivulets of tears streaming down his cheeks. He felt the warmth of the prince’s large hand on his side, and leaned into it unconsciously. 

“...If I could have only stopped her….” Rolak murmured. “Then none of this would have happened…” 

“Don’t say that,” Steven found himself saying. “You couldn’t have known.” 

Rolak merely shook his head. His hand fell away. Steven opened his eyes, looking up at the prince. Rolak’s glazed blue eyes wandered past Steven. 

Steven turned around, curious as to what Rolak was seeing. 

  
And wished he didn’t. 

He saw gemstones. Thousands and thousands of gemstones lay scattered across the splintered remains of the ballroom floor. Some had scorch marks peppered over them. Others had cracks rupturing throughout the entire width of their forms. 

And some were completely destroyed, lying in broken heaps among the cracked and burned floor. Steven looked further around the room, breath coming out in gasps, and stifled a scream. 

The once magnificent and indestructible Diamonds were now piles of broken shards, damaged beyond repair. 

_No. No, no, no, no, nonono-_

Splatters of the same orange as Rolak’s blood coated the room as well. Steven could see the bodies of fallen tailk-yen scattered around. Their broken forms lay mangled and defeated. 

Some weren’t entirely all together. 

_Nonononono this is all wrong_ \- 

He could feel himself shaking - he’s in hysterics. But he didn’t care. All that mattered right now was that everyone in this room was d _ead and he was still alive why was he still alive he shouldn't be alive-_

“- _Pink_..!” 

Rolak’s hand was back again, grounding him. Steven held onto him with trembling arms, burying his face into the prince’s hand. 

“Pink...I’m...I’m _so sorry_.” Rolak said with a quiver in his voice. Steven only shook his head. But he eventually poked his head out from Rolak’s hand. He stared into the prince’s eyes. He felt completely and entirely numb. 

“How are you alive.” Steven asked the prince tonelessly. Rolak blinked down at him in shock, then, looked down sadly. 

“I...My magic...It protected me. And I think yours and mine combined as well - I do not know how. But I...do not have much longer…” As he said this, Rolak took another shaky breath, and it almost immediately devolved into a series of sharp coughs. 

When he recovered, a few moments later, Steven was surprised to see Rolak staring down at him with sudden steel in his eyes. There was a pause, then,

“I do not have much longer....But I can still save us.” 

Before he knew what the prince meant by that, Steven was grabbed by the tall prince and jostled into the air. He didn’t even have time to utter a squeak. Then the movement stopped, and he found himself right beside the still sparking swirl of energy. He could feel the heat of it touching his skin. He backed away unconsciously from the dangerous swirl.

“R-Rolak! Wha-What are you doing!?” He cried as he clutched onto Rolak’s hand. Looking down to where the prince was laying on his side, one arm keeping him steady, he saw in his eyes a fiery gleam of determination. 

“I’m saving us all.” Rolak told him in a firm voice. Steven looked back to the pink energy, watching as it sizzled with the power combined of both his and the six tailk-yen rebels. 

Rolak spoke again, his voice loud and cutting, booming over the humming from the energy. 

“I don’t have much time left so listen to me; this is not normal magic, Pink. And if it is what I think it is, then it is our only chance. But I cannot go with you.” 

“What are you talking about!?” Steven yelled. Rolak only shook his head again. He seemed dead set on whatever he was planning. 

“I cannot say much else. You must leave now. There’s not much time.” 

“Wait, wait! Rolak, what’s going on, what are you doing!?” 

The tailk-yen prince then looked him right in the eyes. Gave him one small, orange smile, and said, “I’m sorry, again, Pink Diamond. But this is the only way.” 

And then he threw Steven into the pink light. 

He didn’t even have time to scream.

The last thing he saw before the light engulfed him was Rolak’s eyes dimming of their life. 

And then.

Nothing.

  
_TBC_


	2. Return, Repeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turns out time doesn't heal all wounds...Not when you're going backwards, anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, let me just say that I really appreciate the amount of good reviews I've gotten on this! Seriously, I did NOT expect you guys to like this so much (i'm actually quite shocked) But I'm flattered!  
> Second, I forgot to mention last chapter that updates on this fic - and most my fics actually - are going to be sporadic and might have some small, or even big hiatuses between them. So, sorry in advance.  
> Thirdly...I felt kinda bummed about how this chapter turned out - which is part of the reason why it took so long to update this. It felt a bit rushed in places, which I hope is okay because this is a rather important chapter. I'm sure it's fine though....(it's probably trash)
> 
> Anyways, enough of my rambling, let's get to the fic!

The sudden, unexpected feeling of falling was nothing compared to the feeling of his body gradually being torn apart. 

It _burned_ , but more than that it felt like he was slowly dissolving. 

He couldn’t see himself as he fell apart. He couldn’t see anything. Where he was was an endless, dark pit, so devoid of anything that he couldn’t even see two inches in front of him. 

Maybe that was for the better. 

Along with the burning was the screaming in his ears. Hoarse and painful-sounding, it cut through the rushing air like a knife. Perhaps it was him. 

It probably was. He thinks he’s the only one here. 

He also thinks he might be dying as well. There’s no other way to put it. 

Before he could spiral too far though, something flashes in the corner of his eye, knocking him out of his thoughts. It was hard to see around the overwhelming emptiness of the pit, but there, just a little ways away, something was sparking. 

It gets closer. 

Is it gravitating towards him, or is he moving towards it? He doesn’t know, but he doesn’t care. He thinks he might be reaching out to it, but he feels so disconnected from his body that he can’t tell. The sparkling light is so close to him now that he can see it’s color. 

It’s pink. 

He feels a pressure in his chest, then. The magic touches him. 

The burning feeling grows, and so does the light. 

Then with a bright flash, it envelops him.

Everything stops-

  
….

  
-And he wakes up with a gasp.

Immediately he’s bending over, coughing, gasping for breath. He’s out of the endless void, but he’s still burning. Curling in on himself, he lays on the hard, cold ground. Everything aches so much; his head, his chest, it’s worse than what he felt it the pit. 

But slowly, gradually, the pain does fade. He doesn’t know how long he lays waiting for it to go away, but eventually it feels okay enough to move. 

His hand twitches first, and it’s then he realizes that he doesn’t feel that disconnect anymore. He spends a moment testing his grounds, clenching and unclenching his fist. It’s a bit sore, but he can move it. He wiggles his toes next - they’re working fine. 

Then he sits up and the world spins. Head in his hands, he blinks out the dark spots, and also realizes that one eye in particular feels exceptionally achy. He rubs it, and finds that it’s swollen. 

_A black eye? I don’t remember hurting my eye in the-_

_Wait-_

He gasps. Memories of what he’d been through in the past day flash in his mind, and again he hunches over. His eyes sting, and he closes them tightly as images of Rolak, of Aanyil, of the bodies and shards rush through his mind. 

_Nonononono that couldn’t have-_

He sees the swirling energy, the blast, hears the haunting last words of the prince replay in his head. 

He’s gone everyone’s gone-

Rolak is dead, his _entire people_ are dead. 

Thousands of Gems are dead. The Diamonds are dead.

Maybe _he’s_ dead. He certainly feels like he is. 

Through the onslaught of memories and remembered pain, he doesn’t hear it at first, but he definitely hears the louder bang of metal when it strikes right beside him. 

He jerks up, twists around, and comes face to face with a transparent yellow wall and an angry orange face glaring right at him. 

“ _STOP. CRYING!_ ” Jasper yells, and Steven stares at her as she rages in front of him. “ _YOU’RE EVEN WORSE THAN THAT PATHETIC HALF OF THAT HORRIBLE FUSION, WITH HER_ ENDLESS SINGING!” 

He stares up at her, sees her face, twisted with rage. It’s clear of any sign of corruption. 

“ _I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU - YOU PUNY, SORRY EXCUSE FOR ROSE QUARTZ!_ ” Jasper yelled, hitting the side of the cell again in her anger. 

“ _NOW BE QUIET OR I’LL SILENCE YOU MYSELF!_ ” And with that, she turned away, stomping down the smooth, green hallway of the handship. Steven watched her go, wide-eyed and mind numb, until she turned down another hallway and walked out of sight. 

_What._

He blinks. Watches the yellow force field crackle and sizzle with energy. He backs away. Into the corner of the cell, draws his knees to his chest. 

His heart is beating rapidly - as it has since he’d woken up. But he can feel it thrumming fast as he brings up his hands to his face and stares at them. 

They’re too small, too chubby, and too smooth to be his. His own hands are getting slim, have countless scars on them, and are rather rough. 

These aren’t his hands. They’re too young. 

_And yet…_

His breathing has only gotten faster with every moment of realization. As he brings his hands down to lift up his shirt - his gem is still there but his skin is too smooth and there’s too much fat - they’re shaking and turning white at the knuckles from how hard he’s clenching them. 

_This is…_

_This isn’t right…_

_This can’t be- I can’t be-_

And yet the evidence is all here. 

Somehow, someway, he’s in the past. The day he and the Gems got captured by Jasper and Peridot. Four years ago.

His vision is going dark at the edges; he’s spiraling again. But he can’t seem to care as he stares at the evidence glaring right at him. 

He doesn’t want to believe it. 

_I’m dead_ , he thinks instead. _I’m dead and this is just some sort of hell I’ve found myself in_. 

Because there can’t be any other explanation to this. He knows he died back there. There was no way he could have survived...No way he’s somehow back in the past. 

_And_ yet…

He flinches, hard, when he hears someone scream. It knocks him out of his thoughts and has him rushing to his feet, swaying as the room spins again and his body disagrees with the movement. 

The scream sounds familiar, and he once again remembers where he is. 

_If I really am in the past...which is a_ big _if...then that’s Ruby._

He looks again to the force field. He knows what he has to do. 

Steven brings his hand up to the field and it goes through without trouble. It feels the same as it did back then. He looks at the yellow currents running up his arm as he pushes it through, making it go all chilled and tingly. It reminds him of Yellow’s powers, actually, the more he stares at them…

He shakes his head. He needs to think of the mission at hand. He forces the rest of his body through the field, shivering once he’s all out. Then, taking a moment to straighten up, he tries to remember where Ruby’s cell was. Only, he doesn’t need to remember much, as Ruby screamed once again, her cries coming from the right. With a nod, he starts down that hall, looking to the right as he remembers that her cell was on that side. He passes by one, then two cells before he reaches hers. He finds her, just as he remembers, huddled in a shaking ball and hugging herself. 

His heart hadn’t stopped beating rapidly since he woke up, and only began to race more as he gazed upon the vulnerable form of one of his mother figures. One of his mother figures who _doesn’t know that he knows about her._

_This is just all kinds of wrong..._

Steven swallows the lump in his throat. “Um..-” He hesitates, thinking of what to say. He takes a deep, steadying breath.

“Are...Are you okay?” He finally lets out, feeling mildly confident that that is what he had said before, and slightly off-put at how high his voice sounds. He quickly shrinks back, however, when Ruby jerks up with a gasp, and notices him standing there. 

“Great! This is just _perfect!_ ” Ruby yells, throwing her arms up. 

“Do- do you need any help?” Steven asks the furious red gem. But as she did before, Ruby exploded again at his words. 

“No!” She cries, “Don’t look at me! Just...go away.” She turns to her side and buries her head in her arms. Knowing what he did in the past, he did as she asked, and wasn’t surprised in the slightest when she perked back up and asked him how he got out of his cell. 

Smiling slightly, he reaches his arm out to raise the field, creating a small hole. When he looks back at her, Ruby is staring at him in shock, her mouth hanging slightly open. 

“C’mon,” he says, voice distorted by the currents. “It’s safe!” 

Ruby wastes no time in quickly slipping under his arm, and he with releasing his arm free of the energy field. Almost immediately, he hears the tell-tale sound of singing in the distance. 

“Sapphire…” Ruby whispers to herself beside him. Then she’s off, running in the direction of her wi- her girlfriend. _They aren’t married yet_ , he thinks. Then he blinks, realizing he has yet to move.

“Hey, wait for me!” He yells after her, jogging to catch up. He follows her down several hallways, running until they reach the large window showcasing they were in space. But the singing stops. 

“She stopped singing…” Ruby says, voicing Steven’s thoughts. “Sapphire!” 

She sets off again, Steven not far behind her. He grimaces though. He knows what’s next...he definitely remembers…

Ruby gasps. They’ve come across another cell, and someone is inside. But her hope falls when she finds it’s not the Gem she’s looking for. 

“Oh, it’s just _you_.” She growls at the downcast Lapis Lazuli. Lapis looks up and sees them. Steven flinches again at seeing her look at him. He wasn’t quite ready to see the lost look in her eyes again…

“Lapis..” He breathes, clutching his chest. It aches again. Lapis stares at him with wide, fearful eyes. He pauses. He doesn’t know what to say to her. 

Ruby growls, impatient. “ _I don’t have time for this_!” She yells, and turns back around, resuming her search. Steven watched her go, mind racing. He knows he won’t get through to the blue Gem, but he has to say something. 

He turns back towards her. “Lapis, I promise...I’ll be back for you.” He says, looking her in the eyes. “I need to go help Ruby right now but, you...I don’t-” 

Lapis cuts him off. “Go.” She said with a look of finality. Still, he pauses before he turns back around. He doesn’t want to leave her again. But he has to. 

“I promise.” He tells her again. Then he runs.

Behind him, Lapis draws her knees to her chest, waiting in terror of what was to come. 

Now that he’s lost Ruby, Steven follows the soft voice of Sapphire on his own. He’s actually glad Ruby is no longer with him at this time since, now that the rush of adrenaline is wearing off, he can feel the ache again. He’s all but limping as he makes his way across the warship. 

He’s just found Sapphire’s cell where he can very clearly hear her singing when the distinctive voice of Peridot has him ducking back around the wall. Half of him wanted to peek out and see her - in his time, he hadn’t seen her in _weeks_ \- but with a pang, he knows he can’t do that. 

_This isn’t my Peridot_. He thinks to himself, as he hears her step by, limb enhancers and all. _Not yet anyways._

“We can’t leave yet!” Peridot yells to Jasper as they walk down the hall, oblivious to Steven’s presence. “The whole point of coming here was to check on the Cluster!” 

_This isn’t my Sapphire either. Or my Ruby._

Jasper punches the side of Sapphire’s cell, yelling at the small blue Gem. 

_I can’t do anything my old self wouldn’t do._

Jasper turns abruptly to Peridot, frustration on her face. “Rose Quartz takes priority.” She growls, and Steven clutches harder at his chest as the pain spikes. “Get back to the bridge and set a course for Homeworld.” 

_And that includes running into the ‘enemies’ arms._

Jasper and Peridot turn away, leaving the disgruntled Sapphire in her cell. Steven releases his hand from his chest, takes a deep breath, and turns the corner. Immediately, Sapphire turns to face him. He hopes he doesn’t look too wiped out - Sapphire’s much more perceptive and calm than her angry partner, or the overwhelmed Lapis Lazuli. 

“You escaped.” Sapphire says when he approaches. He reaches through the field, to her not-so-surprise. Steven quickly lets her out, and hopes the smile he gave her when she thanks him is convincing enough. 

_I just need to do everything as it happened last time…_

_Then I can think._

All of a sudden, Sapphire grabs his arm and with a turn, she bolts down the hallway, with him hanging on. The sudden movement jars his injuries again, and he hopes the blue Gem doesn’t hear his gasp of pain. When they stop and Sapphire notices Ruby, Steven almost crashes into her. 

But still...He watches the two of them reunite with a small smile on his face, remembering how amazed he felt when he realized that they make up Garnet. And when they spin around and laugh together, eventually leaving Garnet standing in their place, he jogs up to her with a smile he knows is real. ~~Even though this isn’t his Garnet-~~

“Garnet..!” He cries anyways when he catches up to her. She looks down at him with a wide grin, all three eyes sparkling with joy. 

“Steven!” She yells back. “Thank you!” 

“You’re a fusion!?” He says, putting forced surprise in his voice. It wasn’t actually hard. He’s a good actor..

“Oh- I’m sorry!” Garnet replies, putting her hand on his cheek. He leans into it. “We didn’t want you meeting us here like this..” 

“Well...did I make a good first-” _(second)_ “-impression?” 

Garnet smiles warmly at him, love clear in her eyes. “Oh, Steven..We already love you.” 

_I know you do…_

Jasper interrupts their happy reunion. Putting her seriousness back up, Garnet puts her hands on Steven’s shoulders, and he knows he has to leave her. With a sparkly kiss on the forehead and a vision of the future - one he already knows, not that he can tell her that - Steven is off again. This time, he doesn’t ask whether the fusion would be okay. 

“Good luck.” He says instead, giving her a quick hug. _You’ll beat her_ , he wishes he could say. 

And he’s off again. 

  
With knowledge of the past-the future-the... _present_ (?)-in his mind, it isn’t long before he finds Pearl and Amethyst’s cells and releases them. He doesn’t say anything special other than a quick, “follow me”, as they race together towards the control bridge. 

When they make it there and capture Peridot, Steven, finally taking a moment to breath, watches on the small screen on the wall as Garnet battles Jasper. He smiles slightly when the fusion manages to wrangle herself free from under Jasper’s hands, gaining the upper hand. The smile grows when Garnet smashes her gauntlets on the sides of the soldiers’ helmet, breaking the visor. 

The smile falls when Garnet slams Jasper into the ships’ power source. He flinches, hard, and an image of the pink mass flashes in his mind. He quickly turns away. 

Amethyst has Peridot tied up in her whip, a wicked grin on her face. When she notices him though, her grin falters a bit. She opens her mouth to say something, but just as she starts to, the ship jerks, sending him and the purple and green Gems tumbling. His arm gets crushed under him as he hits the floor and he lets out a yelp. But Amethyst’s quickly summoned whip catches him around the middle and pulls him towards her, where he’s pulled safe into her arms. In the mess, Peridot escapes in her pod.

Pearl looks to be panicking a bit, as she’s trying to steady the ship. But when Garnet comes through the door, the slim Gem abandons her efforts in favor of turning towards the fusion with relief. 

“This ship is going down!” Garnet says, stating the obvious. She rushes towards them and pulls them into her arms. And in the chaos of the flickering lights and shaking floors, Steven remembers what he needs to do. 

Just as the ship crashes into the temple, his bubble is thrown up, wrapping him and his family safely in its walls. 

  
The Gems are holding onto him tightly as the ship crash lands. Just like last time though, his bubble survives both the impact and the explosion that immediately follows after. It bounces and rolls them to safety where it then dissipates. 

Only then did Steven allow himself to breath. Using his powers while hurt takes a lot out of him. Especially now that he’s…

He opens his eyes to find the Gems staring at him with pride in their eyes. He manages a small smile, as they praise him for his ‘job well done’ 

_Well, it’s nothing I haven’t done before, guys._

“Nice work, Steven.” Garnet says to him, squeezing his shoulder. He looks up at her from where he’s sitting in her lap, wills his wonder back into his voice. 

“I can’t believe you’re a fusion all the time!” He exclaims, as the other two Gems beside him jump and round on him. 

“You _met_ Ruby and Sapphire!?” “Oh no, Garnet - our plan!” 

“We were waiting for your birthday.” Garnet says simply, and Steven gives a short laugh. He tries to remember what he said to this-

But Jasper bursts out of the rubble and breaks the mood. 

The Gems are back on defense. Amethyst pulls him behind her, where, body suddenly protesting at standing, he leans into her. The tall, striped Gem forces her way free from the wreckage, spitting hate and glaring at them with malice in her eyes. 

“ _Don’t think you’ve won_ ,” She snarls at Garnet. “ _You only beat me...because you’re a_ fusion!” 

Another pile of rubble starts to move then. Lapis struggles to get herself free from one particularly large boulder. When she’s free enough, she catches sight of Jasper. Her wings form. 

But before she could fly away, Jasper catches her by the arm and drags Lapis back down. 

Steven tightens his grip on Amethyst, buries his face in her hair. He knows what’s to come...His mind is screaming- _pleading_ \- 

Jasper held onto the weak blue Gem as she struggled in her arms. 

“Lapis, listen - fuse with me!” Lapis stops struggling and looks at Jasper in surprise. 

Steven’s heart is pounding again. _I can’t let her do this again! I can’t I-_

_-But I can’t do anything she’s gonna do it-_

_-I can stop her this time! I can say something, I can_ do _something-_

He feels Amethyst turn her head slightly, feels her voice reverberating against him. 

“Steven..-” She’s cut off. Jasper speaks again and her voice makes everyone look at her. Everyone except him, where he’s struggling not to break down but _he can’t even move-_

“How long have they kept you trapped here on this miserable hunk of rock!?” The large orange Gem says, dropping Lapis to the ground, where she looks up at the Crystal Gems. At Steven. 

“These Gems...they’re traitors to Homeworld. They kept you prisoner. They used you. This is your chance to take revenge!” 

Lapis’ eyes land on Steven. He meets her gaze, his own swimming with unshed tears. He sees what’s in her own. 

He can’t let this happen again...but...He knows…

_He doesn’t have a choice._

And when the two Gems before him take each others’ hands, the almost-forgotten pain returns full-force. When the two Gems step together - Jasper twirling the smaller Lapis, her spinning gracefully in the former’s arms - he’s leaning entirely onto Amethyst. He doesn’t know if she knows he’s in pain or if he’s just upset but-

A bright flash of light. Malachite forms with a terrifying energy surrounding her. Her wild hair and four blazing eyes bore into the trembling Gems below her. She laughs sadistically, raising an arm, water obeying her will. She forms a hand-

It turns into a shackle, just like last time. 

Malachite struggles. Both arms are shackled. Jasper’s voice breaks through the fusion, filled with frustration and confusion and betrayal. Lapis responds back in a chilling voice, repeating the words that used to haunt Steven’s dreams. 

“ **I’m _done_ being everyone’s prisoner...now you’re _my_ prisoner!-**” Water forming into large hands latch onto one of the fusions’ lower limbs. 

“ **-And I’m never letting you _go_!**” 

Repeated. Just as he remembered it; Malachite dragged into the ocean, Lapis in control, Jasper struggling to break free but Lapis holding on with all she had-

And when the unstable fusion was just a head above the water, Lapis told those last, chilling words. 

“ **Let’s stay on this miserable planet - _together!_** ” 

And then they were gone, and it was silent. All but for the fast beating of his heart, and the pounding in his ears. And all he can feel now is the burning again - flooding his body, darkening his vision until all he can see is the swirling of the pink energy- 

He falls, and he isn’t sure if someone catches him or not. Because he’s numb to the world now, numb except for the agonizing pain-

..

Everything goes black, and he falls back into the clutches of the void. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, two cliffhangers in a row! Aren't I terrible? :)


	3. Take a Moment to Think

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not easy waking up in the past, coming from a future where millions of people had died - and Steven had died with them. But, as always, he needs to stay strong. He just needs to plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to another chapter of I Torture Steven Too Much. Please enjoy reading nearly 4k words of Steven casually dismissing his own needs for the sake of others instead. 
> 
> Yeah, that sounds like our Steven, all right. Enjoy reading ya'll.

It was the bright, warm touch of daylight peeking through his window that initially woke Steven up. Well, that, and the throbbing pain in... _all_ parts of him, actually. His head _hurt_ , while the rest of him felt like he’d gotten hit by a train. Groaning into his pillow, he raised a sore hand to his forehead and covered his eyes. It was much too bright for sight today. 

So instead he lay there, cool hands on his face and warm light on his skin, listening to the comforting sounds of his family outside his bedroom, the rhythmic tick of his alarm clock, and the soft snores of Lion beside his bed. 

Wait. 

Steven shifted slowly on his bed, careful of his injuries, and moved to the side of the bed to look down. Sure enough, there was Lion, curled up and resting peacefully with his back to Steven’s bed. There Lion was, right beside him, even though he knew the last time he had seen him was when he was handing him over to Connie so she could watch him as Steven went to Homeworld. 

He rolled back over. Raised his hand again to his eye. He was greeted with not the hand he had grown familiar with, with its rough texture and scars, but the soft, smooth ones of his youth. Just like on the warship, seeing his hand made it all come back to him. 

_It hadn’t been a dream._

_It was real. This is real._

His hand shook as flashes of the recent events once again swarmed his mind. The long, tiring meeting, Aanyil’s interference, Rolak’s confession, the _magic._

_Everything he had seen, every terrible, horrifying thing-_

Then he laughed. Short and bitter, because now he had _two_ sets of memories from when he got captured by Jasper and Peridot - wasn’t that crazy?! _He just went back it time._

And didn’t change a single thing. Lapis was still fused with Jasper at the bottom of the ocean. Why hadn’t he done something!? Surely with his knowledge of the future he could have prevented her from having to endure this trauma! But what did he do instead? _Nothing._

He felt the rising hysteria starting to overtake him again and had to smoosh his face into his pillow to stamp it down. He couldn’t panic now, not anymore. His family was downstairs. 

His family…

_At least they weren’t on Homeworld when it happened. That’s at least one thing to be grateful for - that I won’t have to blink and see their shards and know that they once had died._

Snap out of it. Calm down. Take a moment to think. He’s in the past, yes, and everything is terrible, but that doesn’t mean he could afford to lose it right then and there. Pearl, and Garnet, and Amethyst would surely come running to his side, and wouldn’t that be a difficult thing to tell them? 

‘ _Hey, yeah, I’m actually from the future, where I saw thousands of people die - myself included! Hahaha, isn’t that something? Hey, Amethyst, pass the hotdogs.’_

Yeah. That would totally work out. _Not_. 

He’s not sure how long he spends, drifting in his spiraling thoughts, before he hears the tell-tale sound of the warp pad activating. The whir of the magical machine snaps him out of his funk, and he listens as the stream takes the Gems to wherever they need to go. Once the pad finishes its job, he lays in the silence the Gems left. 

_Well, guess I won’t have to worry about them for another couple of hours then. But..._

He’s alone now. But he still can’t fall apart. 

He needs to get moving. He needs to plan.

Sighing, he braces himself, and sits up. The room spins, and he only feels more sore with every movement, but he needs to get going. So, he pushes back his blankets and gets out of bed, mindful of Lion still sleeping next to it. 

_I need to figure out just what the hell I’m supposed to do._

He changes out of his pajamas, putting on the red star shirt of his past. 

_I’m...actually_ in _the past now, as crazy as that sounds._

Once changed, he heads downstairs, towards the bathroom. It’s an unconscious walk, feet heading there without input from his mind. He walks up to the mirror, looking at the tired boy in the reflection. He’s scowling. It looks unnatural on him. 

Well, the body he’s currently in, anyway. It feels like the real him scowled all the time now. _When did he get so angry?_

Four years ago, Steven was a happy-go-lucky, carefree boy. He got through everything with a smile on his face and a song ready to play. He was chubby, and clumsy, and not at all powerful. He knew nothing of what he really was and the truths about his being. He was happy. 

In the present - where he should be - Steven was cautious and tired and frustrated. He went about his days in a haze, exhausted from too much work but at the same time needing it to feel like he was doing something worthwhile. He was so stressed, and although he knew all of his abilities sometimes, he wished he knew nothing about who his mother really was or the things she had done. He was scarred. 

And the boy in the mirror was like a mix of the two. He looked like his younger self, with his short, stocky build and old outfit and the deep blue eyes of his past.* But he was also exhausted, a weary look in those eyes that spoke of the trauma he held within. 

This wasn’t how he looked four years ago. Even after having witnessed Lapis’ sacrifice he was still bright and bubbly. It was everything that came after that brought him down. 

How was he supposed to explain this, anyway? Or keep up appearances? Pretend to the Gems he was their Steven, the boy who was still happy and healthy and totally not trauma-filled? How was he supposed to interact with people who still thought of him as he used to be, with his silly adventures and boisterous attitude? 

_How was he supposed to do_ anything _, knowing that if he did anything wrong he could fuck everything up?_

A buzzing sound cuts through his raging thoughts. He turns towards the sound, releases his grip on the sink - giving one last look at the terrified child in the mirror - and leaves the bathroom. Outside, he can hear the ringtone of his phone, blaring from its place on top of his nightstand. Lion seems to have been woken up from the noise, as when Steven makes his way up the stairs, the large pink animal gives him a displeased look from where he is still on the floor. 

“Sorry, buddy.” Steven mutters as he passes him, as the lion grumbles and turns over to go back to sleep. Steven quickly makes a grab for his phone, aiming to turn off the notification, but pauses as he sees exactly who it is that’s calling him. 

_Connie_. 

_Oh_. He stares down at his phone, taking in the image set for her icon - her with her old glasses, with the lenses, waving at him with so much _innocence_ in her eyes. 

He remembers now. She had called him after the battle, worriedly telling him she had gotten his message and had asked if he was okay. Last time he had gotten her call, but this time…

_She must have been so worried. It’s been a whole day._

He also had five missed calls. All from her. 

Before he could stop himself, he answered the call. 

“ _Steven!_ ” Young Connie yells, sounding very much relieved. “ _Finally, you picked up! I was so worried - you gave me this crazy voicemail and then I heard about the explosion - are you okay?!”_

He swallows painfully. Hearing her voice...her _old_ voice...What should he say? 

_This isn’t her, this isn’t her, this isn’t_ her _anymore_. 

“Um.” His mouth is dry. “H-Hi, Connie. Yeah, I’m...I’m okay.” He takes a breath, lets it out, and continues on. “I’m so sorry I didn’t get your calls from earlier. Everything had just happened so fast, I guess I got too worn out. I only just now woke up.” 

“ _Oh. Well, it’s good that you’re okay. Sorry I called so much. Honestly, I should have guessed you were asleep...Well, anyway, can..can you tell me what happened? If that’s okay? I’m just..I was just really scared, hearing that there had been an attack I...I hope nothing too bad had happened…”_

He clutches his gem. “Oh, no, that’s okay. I can tell you.” _I know you can take it. You’re so strong. Even at this point._ “It...It happened like this…” 

As he explained, he felt the knot in his chest get tighter and tighter. But oddly enough, his voice never wavered. Hearing his best friends’ old voice both unnerved and calmed him at the same time. This wasn’t his Connie. But at the same time, she was. Only younger. It made him yearn for his Connie even more. _He hadn’t seen her in_ months _in his time_. 

And when it was time for Connie to end the call, saying that her mother was calling for her, he could only restrain himself so much from saying _I love you_. 

He stays standing with the phone clutched in his hands for a long while until he finally moves.

He sets his phone back on his nightstand, before falling onto his bed with a loud sigh. _That was tough._ Hearing her voice, knowing it isn’t really her... _Again, just how is he supposed to do this?_ He scans his room again, taking in the old style and old toys and things he’d thrown out years ago. 

His eyes land on a notebook laying on his dresser. 

He has it in his hands no later than five seconds after. He holds the pencil he snatched tight, determination beginning to swarm inside of him. 

_I need to get planning - for real now._

So, with careful thought and the knowledge of what is coming, he writes every major event that had happened to him over the past four years. It takes some time, and a lot of notebook paper, but when he finished plotting down the list and making sure its correct, he stares down at it with heavy resolve. Then he flips to another blank page. He writes, in bold letters at the top: 

**‘Things To Do’**

  1. Test powers: floating, healing, phytokinesis, bubble, Diamond powers. 
  2. Work out/train. Use sky arena? _Get stronger. Be ready._
  3. Become a vegetarian. 



He paused at step four. His mind flashed to an image of a bubbled gemstone inside a field of pink, and then to an old, withering garden. He winced, pencil creating a deep gouge in his paper. And before he could stop himself, he was writing step four. 

  
  


  1. Bismuth and Spinel. 



  
  


Seeing the words written on the page made him release the breath he didn’t know he was holding in. And then he was done. Or, at least, for the moment. He'll definitely think of more things down the line, but for now, he had a starting point. 

He closed the very much used notebook and turned to Lion. One jump inside his mane - and staring longingly at Bismuth’s bubble, though he knew this wasn’t the time - and the book was stored away. No one could see it except for him. No one would know what was going on, what he was hiding, or who he truly was. 

But he couldn’t stay in that state he was in just a moment ago; terrified out of his mind at the fact that he was back to where it all started. He couldn’t wallow in his guilt or fear any longer. 

He was stuck in the past. So why not use this chance to its fullest extent?

* * *

In the following days after he woke up in the past, Steven’s schedule was full of cleaning up the wreckage from the handship, looking for Malachite in the ocean, and planning for the ‘future’. It was a restless period, and he’d barely been able to start on the first few steps on his list. Luckily he could get a move on in becoming a vegetarian - something he’d been thinking long and hard on in _his time_ and figured it wouldn’t hurt to get started on that the very first day. 

(No one had been that surprised when he made the switch which definitely said something about him.) 

But for the other two things on his agenda, disregarding the looming knowledge that was Bismuth and Spinel - he’d hardly a chance to begin with them. Though he wasn’t as put off about it as he could be - it was only a couple days. Cleaning up this mess took a greater priority. 

So he ignored the burning need to check his abilities, to head to the sky arena, and to figure things out. With a shovel in hand and the scorching sun on his back, he dug up piece after piece of the green ship, diligently tossing them in the large bag to be thrown out by Garnet. It had been a couple hours since he had started today, and he could feel the exhaustion wearing down on him, but it was nothing he hadn’t dealt with before. 

_At least, that’s what his mind says. This body is another thing._

It’s a good thing most of the pain he felt had gone away in the last few days, otherwise he would have had a difficult time. The very worst that he feels now is the looming pressure in his chest, which he isn’t sure whether it’s from getting thrown back in time or not. 

Oh well, he’s fine with just working while sorting through his thoughts. The pressure is a distant feeling as he shovels his way around a rather stubborn piece, mind sprouting dozens of ideas and concerns and things to get done. Going over memories of things he needs to remember. The world is only this ship piece and these images; everything else falling away. 

He’s so lost in his thoughts, in fact, that he doesn’t hear Jenny Pizza calling him until she yells right next to his ear. 

“ _Steven!_ ” He flinches, hard, at hearing the loud yell, dropping his shovel and twisting around. He comes face to face with the three concerned faces of the Cool Kids: Jenny, Buck, and Sour Cream. He blinks at them for a few moments, before rubbing the back of his neck and laughing a little in embarrassment. 

“Ah-ha, uh, h-hey, guys,” Steven looks up at the teens’ faces, noticing their half amused expressions, and tries to act natural, like he wasn’t just completely lost in his head. “What’s...what’s up?” 

Jenny’s look of concern deepens a bit. “You okay, Steven? You looked a million miles away just now.” 

The hand on his neck scratches a little deeper, digging into the skin. “O-oh, yeah. Sorry, I was just totally zoned out there. Um, what’cha need?” 

“We were about to go chill at the parking lot and freak out some squares.” Buck says, and Jenny turns to Steven with a smile. 

“You should come with!” She suggests, and Steven winces as one of his nails drags a little too sharply across his skin. He quickly drops his arm down, wiping it on his shirt. He looks at the still-polluted beach around him, not eager to leave quite yet. 

“Um, I’m sorry, guys,” He says, turning back to them with regret on his face. “I’ve got a lot of cleaning up left to do. Maybe some other day.” 

At his words, the Cool Kids all express their disappointment, and had Steven been the Steven from this time period, he might have felt extremely guilty just now. Instead, he just feels empty. 

He reaches back down to pick up his shovel, giving a half-hearted wave as the three teens say goodbye. 

He gets back to work. 

_______________

It’s nighttime, and Steven is curled up in bed, miserable and achy all over. A headache from stress and too-little sleep, and a hollow belly from less food than this body is used to. (He had a bowl of cereal at noon and a couple of carrots later on and that was all he could stomach today.) But he’s fine. 

He curled tighter around himself when the pressure in his chest quickly turns from tolerable to overwhelming in a matter of seconds. Then relaxes slightly when it ebbs.

He sighs a soundless sigh. Apparently he was wrong when he thought it was over. Because of the returning pain in his chest - maybe that was because he was working too hard? _No, no, he needs to do this -_ he doubts he’d be able to sleep tonight, which is all the more frustrating as that would make it even worse. 

He sighs again, a little louder. It sounds painfully defeated. Yeah, he isn’t sleeping tonight. 

He’s just about to reach for his phone to scroll through TubeTube when he hears a thump nearby. He freezes, heart doing a back-flip, and slowly turns his head to his window, where he heard the noise. 

A couple seconds pass, and then, 

_Thump_

A slice of pizza slaps onto his window, lasts about three seconds, before sliding down into the abyss of night. 

Steven stares at the spot it was in for a long moment. Then jumps again when a second piece crashes just a few centimeters away from where the last one landed. It lasts only slightly longer. 

He hears a barely legible voice from outside his walls. Low and smooth, it sounded undoubtedly like Buck Dewey. Then he lets out a short laugh because _of course_ , how could he forget? _This was the night he and the Cool Kids found Peridot’s escape pod!_

With slow movements so as to not aggravate his body _too much_ than it already is, he makes his way over to his window. Looking down, he sees the three friends, surrounding his house. Sour Cream has the pizza box in his hands, and Steven watches as beside him, Buck takes another slice and gets ready to aim it. 

_Now hears a question,_ Steven thinks to himself. _Should I go with them this time, or should I stay here and let the Gems discover Peridot’s escape pod themselves?_

Because he’s in _pain_ , and he very much does not wish to move anymore than he already has. He needs to conserve his energy if he is to do any work tomorrow and going with the Cool Kids would surely put a stop to his plans. 

_Then again...Would the Gems really find her pod if I don’t do anything? It was me that led them to it, when I sent up that flare. What if they don’t find it this time?_

Well, that would be a problem, he suspects. The whole reason he and the Gems found out Peridot crash landed on earth was because they found her pod. If they don’t find out she’d on earth, then they won’t catch her, and then she’ll never tell them about the cluster, or insult Yellow Diamond, or become part of the Crystal Gems, _none of that would happen, what if that doesn’t happen-_

He’s out of bed and making his way down the stairs before he could think any further. 

Buck and Sour Cream turn to him as he steps outside, Buck setting down the slice he was just about to throw back into the box. Steven catches up to them, trying not to limp, and gives them a small smile. 

“Guys, it’s the middle of the night. What are you doing throwing pizza at my window?” He says, trying to remember how this conversation went. Sour Cream sets down the pizza box and shrugs. 

“Time is just an illusion.” The pale boy says sagely. Steven nods at that. _Oh, he can definitely agree._

“You’re done working for the day, aren’t you?” Buck asks him, to which Steven sighs and rubs his arm. 

“Yeah...You didn’t have to wait for me all day though. I know you guys wanted to hang out with me but…” He shakes his head. Looks up at the two waiting boys’ expectant faces. “Okay,” He says finally. 

“I’ll come with.” 

…

  
  


_They found the escape pod,_ Steven muses as he returns from the field later that night. He didn’t change a single thing about this event - other than not getting himself stupidly stuck inside the pod like he did when he was thirteen - and overall; he had some fun. Sure, it was more tiring than it had been the last time, because of his low energy and soreness, _and the constant pain in his chest_ , but he had to admit, taking a couple hours to just hang out with his friends was very refreshing. 

He didn’t even have that much of a hard time being around the three teenagers, like he had been with the Gems, his Dad, and Connie lately. Maybe this was because he wasn’t as close to them as he was to the others, but for whatever reason, it was a nice turnaround. So now, as he was coming back up his stairs to plop back on his bed, he felt just the slightest bit lighter. 

_Perhaps now I could get some sleep?_ He thinks with a speck of hope. He closes his eyes and snuggles deep into his covers, prepared to fall into the clutches of sleep. 

The sudden stab of pain in his chest jolts him right back up. 

_Or...not._

TubeTube it is then. 

______________

By some miracle, a couple days after his adventure with the Cool Kids, he finally had some free time to investigate his abilities. The Gems had caught wind of a particularly dangerous corrupted Gem and had left him by himself to take care of it. 

They had also told him to take the day off. Which, standing in the middle of the sky arena, he could say he _wasn’t following_. Sure, he felt like death and probably needed a nap but he had work to do! Now that his schedule wasn’t full of cleaning up chunks of the ship or searching for lost fusions he finally had some time to figure things out. Like hell was he going to spend this valuable time sleeping. 

And it’s not like he _hadn’t_ slept at all in the last 48 hours. After that night with the Cool Kids, he had fallen asleep at around nine in the morning, and only woke back up at five in the evening. He figured that was about as much sleep as he needed to keep him steady for the next few days. _Can’t keep going back_ there _can I?_

_There_ being his night terrors. One reason he hadn’t been able to sleep much had been because of them. It seemed as though whenever he closed his eyes he would find himself back on Homeworld, face to face with the dying Rolak, or trapped in that endless void. 

_He didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to_ see _it anymore than he already has. But he knows it’s burned itself into his mind. And it’s never going to fade._

He shakes his head. He’s dead on his feet and swaying with every step but he needs to _focus_. He needs to know whether or not his body retained the abilities his mind remembered. 

With shaking hands, he touches his gem, feeling its smooth surface and imagining it glowing with the power he had in his time. He breathes in deep, five seconds. Out, four seconds. Closes his eyes in concentration. _If this doesn’t work, I will have a_ lot _of training to do. If it_ does _work, though, I’d need to keep it to myself for a while._

_If it works…_

He opens his eyes. 

  
  
  


The powerful walls of his spiked bubble shield greet him, and he grins in success. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *It's canon that Greg's eyes are blue, if you look at his wiki page. And from the picture of him and Rose, we can see that his eyes are clearly a light blue or a bluish grey. In the episode Future Vision, we get a close-up of Steven's eyes, and guess what? They're blue. It's like Finn the Human from Adventure Time. His eyes are actually blue, but we just don't see it because they're usually not colored in. The Crew intentionally leave Steven's eyes - and many other characters' in the show - black, probably for style choices.  
> It's my headcannon that Steven's eyes gradually changed from blue to pink as he mastered his powers. Thus, Steven noticing he has his old eye color back when he's angsting in the mirror. It's one of my favorite theories, and you guys will definitely be seeing it in a lot of my fics. See ya'll next time!

**Author's Note:**

> Please give me all your thoughts, ideas and suggestions in the comments! Thanks for reading!


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